We believe a steakhouse review should answer the important questions: Was the steak great? Did the sides show up? Was the martini cold? Did the room make us feel like we accidentally made partner? Could this place survive a playoff atmosphere?

Our rankings combine actual dining experience with a deeply unnecessary amount of debate. The Steakboiz grade captures the full dinner arc. The WAG grade brings badly needed judgment on ambiance, cocktails, date-night factor, and whether anyone would voluntarily return without a table full of men discussing crust.

The credentials are informal. The commitment is real. The bill is usually worse than expected.